“There Is No Spoon” Welcome x Dickies in Mallorca Article – Issue 43

Words by: Guy Jones

Photos by: Reece Leung

The following article is about a Welcome Skate Store trip to Mallorca in collaboration with Dickies Skateboarding. The crew consisted of Sam ‘Blinky’ Hutchinson, Izzy Almond, Dale Starkie, Will Sheerin, Fred Ryan and Logan Riley, alongside Josh Hallett and Reece Leung on media duties. Myself? I wasn’t there. I was probably doing something more worthwhile for society, such as complaining about people not saying thank you when you hold a door open for them and calling them a wanker, only to be informed later that they did thank me and I just didn’t hear them. My role here is to narrate the trip without being present, kind of like Ron Howard in the first three series of Arrested Development, but with more of the dress sense (which you can’t see) of Ron Howard in Happy Days. Let’s get started.

Dickies was founded in Fort Worth, probably by someone with a larger than life moustache and feet two sizes larger than they ought to be due to excessive blistering. The ties between Fort Worth and Mallorca is that of the Romans, who as we all know pretty much made denim and hard wearing workwear fashionable back in the day when they weren’t cheering on some sort of mad amphitheatre fight. Dungaree toga anyone? This made it painfully obvious that Mallorca had to be the destination to essentially restart Dickies Skateboarding off in the UK with Leeds’ premier independent skate store. Always support independent skate stores, by the way, otherwise we may have to seek out the last remaining Romans and put you in an amphitheatre fight to the death scenario. Who’s gonna cheer you on, some philistine shop with a malicious business model? They don’t care about you or your scene!

With these aforementioned connections I decided to look deeper into the rich history of skateboard brands, particularly UK-based ones such as Blueprint and Landscape, making the voyage to Mallorca on filming and photography missions. Your regular Joe would think, “Oh it’s nicer weather out there than the UK in winter time.” Well, yes, but that’s not the primary reason. Dan Magee is unsettlingly obsessed with people’s fits and drip. This has benefited those he has filmed, with their output and style looking timeless as opposed to showcasing some short lived clothing fad, so props to him. Sometimes the rules do work. At this point in the narration I have put on a long coat and started smoking a cigar similar to fictional cop Columbo, who may or may not have worn Dickies clothing in his leisure time (invoice attached). Good weather, clothing, there has to be another piece of the puzzle. Blueprint jeans seemingly came into fashion almost immediately after one of these Spanish missions. Perhaps there is more to this coin (that I have now started flipping to add suspense and risk to the story).

Mallorca is famed for its plazas and banks, but what lies beneath? Hordes of native animals such as rabbits, reptiles, birds and mountain goats, working around the clock in the most secret but ethical clothes manufacturing establishment in the world. The Romans gave us straight roads, street food, the Julian calendar, the basis of some great jokes in ‘Monty Python’s Life of Brian’, but also a moral clothing production run and worked by animals. Not only is the clothing high quality and durable for skating, but also produced in-house. Does anyone have the faintest idea about clothes production in Mallorca? I asked the majority of my neighbours in my street and the ones who didn’t tell me to piss off and stop coming round unannounced to ask questions they don’t care about gave a definitive no. Have you seen much in the way of bad attire in Mallorca (give or take about half)? No! It’s all adding up. We put two pant legs with two pant legs and made five.

How does this all relate to the title of the article you ask? Well if the animals were producing morally well-made clothing underground you’d need some way of accessing it. Spoons can be used to dig holes, it just takes longer than using a spade, or heavy machinery. It’s subtle so won’t disturb or damage any of the animals’ equipment, it’s pocket size and it can be used for the consumption of food (what an educational magazine this is!). It also can look quite stylish if you were to be in a saloon-style scenario spouting some obscure philosophies… Possibly in 1922 in Fort Worth.

Well upon this trip it seemed that spoons weren’t in the possession of our skateboarding pioneers for very long and would continuously go missing. Anyone who has a hint of knowledge on Mallorca will be aware of their excessive ley lines. Ley lines have caused time slips in the past/present/future (see Bold Street timeslip for reference) and no doubt this is a contributor towards the missing spoons, the consciously produced garments courtesy of our furry friends. Where else might you find ley lines you ask? Ron Howard’s house? Possibly. But these enigmatic scores run throughout Texas. Famed for their Wild West-style heritage and cowboy chic, it wouldn’t be out of place for a denim-clad, 12 gallon hat-wearing bar frequenter to be playing the spoons. We put two work gilets with two work gilets and made five. No wonder they’re famed for playing the spoons in Texas, they’ve (intentionally or not) been receiving the pear shaped cutlery from the Spanish island in question, leaving Mallorca constantly dry of spoons!

Desperate for answers, but also scared I may have discovered too much (I wasn’t really, I’m nails and not arsed, ask anyone) I rang up Dickies HQ. To my disappointment they pretended I’ve got the wrong number and impersonated a feeble man named Rickard Dickinson. I tried speaking to some of the animals, but they just grunted and didn’t thank me when I held doors open for them. I Can’t say I blame them, I actually don’t thank people either, they should be holding doors open for others! Anyway sometimes it’s best not to know the truth and leave places to have an air of mystery about them. I hope you’ve enjoyed these photos and, if the footage is out when you read this, enjoy the video as well. Thank you to Welcome and Dickies for keeping skateboarding stimuli vibrant. Roll credits. “These happy days are yours and mine, Won’t you be mine, These happy days are yours and mine, Oh please be mine.”